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One of my biggest frustrations in the pastorate is the sense of being alone. In some sense the old cliché applies, it’s lonely at the top. The pastor is not a celebrity who finds himself imprisoned by fame and fortune. Rather, I think the loneliness comes in the nature of the work. Over the years I have thoroughly enjoyed my studies. When I was first examined for ordination I was thrilled at the prospects of getting paid to study the word of God—it’s something for which I’m still very grateful. I really enjoy rolling up my sleeves and plunging both hands into the rich soil of the Scriptures. It’s a real privilege and joy. At the same time, I end up studying the word at a level that most in the church don’t get to do, which means that I see things in the text that others don’t see—nuances in the Greek or Hebrew that present fascinating depth and beauty. But the problem is that when it’s time to teach or preach, if I were to unpack such details people would likely be bored or lost in the minutiae. When I study the history of theology and am busting at the seams with exuberance I'm nevertheless frustrated because there’s no one with whom I can share my joy. Not too many people care that an early seventeenth-century theologian had a significant impact on the development of an aspect of the covenant of works. When you study the word or theology for a while you begin to see details and nuances that others don’t see. You can very quickly find yourself feeling alone. So what’s a person to do?
On the one the hand, I think that isolation is one of the inevitable concomitants of the intense study of any subject, and that’s ok. No one, for example, knows my wife as well as I do, not even my children. I am alone in how well I know her and that's a good thing. On the other hand, you need not be completely alone in your study of the word. There are three remedies for the loneliness of intense study. First, do what you can to break the information down so you can teach it to your church. Don’t assume that your congregation is only capable of milk when there are undoubtedly some who are ready for a hearty piece of red meat. In this case, I can’t help but think that most churches have young people who are starving for richer spiritual nourishment. What you think might be only of interest to you might be of great interest to a young person, especially to a young man aspiring to the pastorate. Share what you learn and know, even when the information gets technical. This doesn’t mean that everyone in your church will be a theological commando, ready for the toughest concepts, but there are some out there who are. Find them, feed them, and teach them. Second, be sure you keep intellectual fellowship with other pastors and elders. Start a book or study group that meets once a month, for example, where you can mutually benefit from what others are reading and learning. I used to gather with a few other pastors once a month to read selected texts in Hebrew or Greek. We would then go out to lunch. It was a very rewarding experience. Third, never assume that truth for the church is shallow. Truth runs deep, which means that the very best and richest preaching and teaching grows out of intense study of the Scriptures. Don’t think that because only you see how the clock gets made that people do not benefit from your penetrating study. You may feel alone at times, but don’t let that sense of isolation discourage you. Seek ways to share what you’ve learned to the edification of Christ’s church.
